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We all want to be loved. We all want to be acknowledged, appreciated, respected, valued, listened to, cared for, smiled at and feel important. However getting love is not that straightforward or easy. A friend was telling me how her and her sister behaved in different ways to get their parents’ love and attention. She chose to be successful and became an achiever. On the other hand her sister chose to get the attention in negative ways, being naughty and rebellious.
Take the person who is accident prone, or sick, or creates lots of dramas in their life. They get the attention and love too. Friends, family and colleagues reach out to help, they become the center of attention, they get the love and caring. And then, another drama, another accident, another sickness is needed to sustain it.
Creating drama after drama, catastrophe after catastrophe has a diminishing effect on those within proximity. So one tends to go for bigger and mightier dramas, accidents and sicknesses. One finds grander ways of sabotaging themselves. This applies to your trading as well. “You lost $500 in your last trade? That is nothing, I lost $50,000.” Now that will get everyone’s attention (and love?). But I ask you, is self sabotage a sustainable way of getting love and attention?
How many different ways can one sabotage themselves? Let’s look at some examples:
- You have an accident with your computer, software, pager, mobile phone
- Your phone line or Internet connection breaks down
- You say things, big and bold things, that are hard to justify or take back
- You choose losing trades
- You listen to the advice of people who have a track record no better than you
- You build things up, and then you destroy them by putting them down or running away
- You put your achievements down
- You put down the achievements of those around you
- You eat unhealthy, drink too much, don’t exercise, sleep little
Do you get the idea?
Please understand we are all in this together. You do it, I do it, just about anyone you know does it to a smaller or larger degree. It is not about beating yourself up. It is about getting to know yourself and then taking action to improve. So get out some pen and paper. Write down all the ways you sabotage yourself. Write down all the ways you may be getting attention, importance, significance or love that do not serve you or are not sustainable in the long run.
Now you know where to start the changes and improvements. Remember success, glory, profits, abundance, achievements and wealth allow you to get just as much attention and love. Give yourself permission to take the sustainable and fulfilling path than the self sabotage path.
Believe, achieve
Sinan Koray
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